Structure for Support

What do you REALLY want? 

It may seem surprising, but many of us don't explore this fundamental question very often.  This results in our not knowing what we're trying to accomplish, and if you don't know where you're going you probably won't get there.  And if you don't really understand why you are doing something, you probably won't be very motivated to do it.  Answering the question "what do I really want", honestly and authentically, and keeping it present and current, is the single most important step to living a life you truly love.

Get the past out of the future

We often hold it that "who I am" is a fixed entity.  Without getting into philosophical discussions about the nature of self, I would like to suggest that who we are is constantly changing.  This change is real and cumulative - as an extreme example, consider that we are not who we were when we were born: we don't look the same, we don't think the same, we don't act the same.  Our needs and concerns are completely altered.  

Human beings tend to live as if the past still exists.  This can be devastating in a world of blame, guilt and judgment, where past events and the meaning we give them can precipitate low self-esteem.  We utter comments like "I'll never do that again" or "I'll never be happy" or "you're really stupid" or "look what you did - what is the matter with you?" or any of the thousands of other dis-empowering things people tell themselves and others.  Then we interact with these pronouncements as if they were the truth and are still relevant, even when they occurred months, years, even decades ago.  Often the most profound of these judgements are from our childhood when we were struggling to get some perspective on our world and the people in it.  Yet we hold onto them as still valid, even when who we are and our circumstances have dramatically altered.  In effect, we take our dubious assessments from the past and place them in our future, severely limiting our range of options.  Our future is seen as an extension of the past - predictable and often unappealing.

When constructing your vision of the future, it is helpful to recognize that these pronouncements from the past and the events that led to them no longer exist except as we cling to them.  This is difficult for some people to accept because our identities are all wrapped up in the judgments, assessments and stories we've made about who and what we are and are not.  But it is possible (and often advisable) to let go of these - you do not have to be any of the things you've said about yourself.  You can be anything you choose - you are in fact your own creation, and since a very early age, you always have been.  The vital question is: who are you creating yourself to be, and is that really who you want to be?

 

Pursue What You Really Want

One thing most of us learn is to not strive for or even hope for too much because we'll be disappointed if we don't get it.  But consider that there is something subtler and more profound at work here: if we strive for anything less than what we really want, we will, at some level, be disappointed in ourselves.  In the end, what could be worse than this?  Doesn't it make more sense to strive for what you want, and fail sometimes, and yes perhaps be disappointed, but regardless, to resume the pursuit?  In fact, you'll find that while you will continue to suffer breakdowns on the road to your goals (and the bigger the goals the more breakdowns there will be), disappointment will occur less and less often.  Breakdowns only affirm that you are committed to your goals -- to having a great life -- and always provide valuable information for modifying your approach.  They are, in fact, good news!

Why would you create yourself as anything other than who you want to be?  Imagine how great your life could be if you aligned it around what you really want, rather than aligning it around all those assessments you've been burdened with all these years.  Perhaps it's time to create yourself as who you want to be rather than as who you've been told you are by yourself and others.

Structure for Support is designed to help you identify what you really want, the authentic pursuit of which will have you living, right away, a life you truly love. 

 Contact Me Today to schedule a FREE, pre-client session!

A Few Words about Pessimism

Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., and others have conducted experiments which indicate that dogs, rats and people can all be taught helplessness by repeatedly being exposed to bad events over which they have no control.  All of us have been subjected to such events in the course of our lives, and many of us have learned some degree of helplessness and pessimism.

Citing various studies, Seligman asserts that there are serious drawbacks to pessimism, including achieving less, being less healthy, and experiencing less enjoyment of life.

The good news is that learned helplessness and the pessimism that goes along with it can be reversed by challenging the assumptions behind the pessimistic response, and by taking on challenges and succeeding.

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 "I wanted to give you some feedback...

...on the work we have done together with you as my 'Life Coach'. Honestly, I had some doubts about this in the beginning. However it did sound intriguing and I'm the type of person who likes to learn more about myself.

"From our conversations, I began to see so much more possibility.  Like for my spirituality, I could see and feel my spirit much more clearly.  The word JOY emerged as how my heart feels and how it emanates everywhere all the time. Sometimes I'm more aware of it, sometimes less. But now that I realize that JOY is who I am, it is simply a matter of bringing it back to my attention and focus.  This sense of JOY allows me to feel full, complete and blessed with unlimited possibility...

"This work has helped and allowed me to see myself as I truly am... My words certainly do not do this experience justice but I don't know of a better way to try and express it."

DCD

Charles F. Chase, Certified Professional Coach